Thursday, December 17, 2009

Hi, my name is (insert name here) and I'm a stupid Driver

Can someone please explain this to me? Why were we given such amazing contraptions such as automobiles for the operators to continue to go walking speed? If they insist on going as fast as they would as if they were walking, then why don't they just get out and walk?! Seriously people. Sometimes I feel as if I'm the only person on the planet who is capable of driving over 20 mph. Is it really that difficult to push your foot down? Well, I guess if Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory can't master driving, being the genius that he is, maybe I should give the rest of the world a break. Let me think about that one... How about NO! Learn to drive PROPERLY, or get the freak off the roads and let the other people who actually know how to take advantage of an invention that is meant to get you places faster actually get places faster. I'd really appreciate it.

You may think I'm overreacting, but I assure you that I'm not. Here are just a few examples of the absurdity I've witnessed during my commutes, and trips, and things that if you do while driving in front of me, or near me, will set me off and you get the not so rare pleasure of witnessing my wrath.

*Going 30 mph (on the freeway, might I mention) and cutting right in front of someone going at least 20 mph faster than you is a brilliant idea. Let me explain something to you, a big hunk of metal going 20 mph slower than another big hunk of metal, with no room to react because you literally got two inches in front of them, equals a big hunk of crunched metal, and dead things. Solution: Pay attention!
*Cutting someone off because you don't want to be behind the slow person in front of you, and in turn putting the person you just cut off in the EXACT situation you were just in and tried to get out of because you didn't want to be behind someone going slow. Where's the logic in that? If you didn't want to be going slow and be stuck behind someone, then why would the person you just cut off want that? Solution: Wait until the person going faster than you has passed you (the two seconds it will take) THEN switch lanes.
*Parking yourself in the fast lane when a)someone is riding your butt AND b)another person is passing you on the left. And on top of that, when the person behind you switches lanes to move around you and you suddenly speed up so they can't pass you, so they get behind you again and you go slow AGAIN. Solution: WAKE UP PEOPLE! Go faster and maintain that speed, or move the freak over! It's NOT hard. Don't be an inconsiderate, ignorant butthead.
*Gunning it around a corner at a stop sign/signal to cut someone off, and then going a minimum of 10 under the speed limit (it's usually more than 10 under when this happens), and there was no one behind the person you cut off, meaning there was absolutely no reason to cut them off. Solution: 1. If you're willing to gun it to cut someone off, at least have the decency to go the speed they were going; 2. Again, wait the two seconds it would take for the person you're so rudely impeding to get past you and then turn.
*Honking at someone, screaming at them, or pronouncing other profanities at them because they were riding your butt or tried to pass you, when in fact they were completely justified and you're the one being rude. 99.9% of the time if someone is riding your tail, YOU are the one who is the jerk. Solution: Don't be a jerk.
*Slamming on your brakes to see the accident or the person pulled over on the side of the road, causing another accident, genius. Seriously? Solution: Mind your own freaking business, OR, if you must, watch the news.
*Slamming on your brakes because you see a cop, especially one who already has someone pulled over. For one, they aren't going to pull you over because you aren't even going the speed limit in the first place, so don't cause an accident on top of impeding traffic. For two, if you ARE going the speed limit, it's not illegal to go that speed, so stop being overly paranoid and just maintain your speed. Solution: Don't be an idiot.
*Cops on the freeway during rush hour, causing the idiot mentioned above to slam on their brakes and cause more traffic. Solution: Cops should realize that there is really no threat of people speeding during rush hour because it's rare that the traffic goes faster than 45 mph, so they should stay off the freeway, or do their jobs and pull the people over who deserve it, and by deserve it I mean the people who do any of the above. Also, if someone does happen to be speeding during rush hour, then good for them for escaping the clutches of the stupidity surrounding them for a brief moment. Who is the cop to take that away from them?

Add them all together on a daily basis, and it's enough to make a person go clinically insane. I'm just about there. I hope this proved to be a learning experience for some people. If you don't agree with me, then keep your comments to yourself, because I really don't care to hear them, and it's my blog, so I can say whatever I want and naysayers can mind their own business. And frankly, if you are offended then that probably means you have done one or all of the previous, and don't think there's anything wrong with it, and then I REALLY don't care what you have to say because I kind of hate you. Mmkay? :)