Friday, January 30, 2009

Liar, liar, pants on fire!

Isn't it funny how we are told over and over that we should be honest, but we are taught as a society to lie?

For example:
Person 1,"Hi, how are you?"
Person 2,"Good, how are you?"
Person 1,"Good."

How often is that true? More often than not it isn't true. We are expected to be honest, but in order to be kind, a lot of the time we have to lie. No one wants to hear, "I'm not doing very well because I just got dumped and I hate school and I'd really rather stay in bed and die today," in response to a greeting that is simply said out of courtesy and repetition. No wonder why we have such a confused society. No one knows how to act because no matter what we do it conflicts with something else we're supposed to do, or should do. Be nice, or be honest; be on time to school and/or work, or spend a few more minutes with your family at breakfast... We're forced to lie every day because let's face it people, NO ONE is good all of the time. I want to know why the world has become so complicated. We've complicated everything. Dating is more complicated. We have to pretend like we don't like someone we're dating as much as we really do, as they pretend not to like us so we don't scare each other off. What is that? It's a wonder anyone ever ends up together. Having friends is more complicated. Simply having a conversation is more complicated. Guess what?! There is NO such thing as politically correct! No matter WHAT you say someone is going to get offended. Why can't we just be honest about how we feel? I think if we were we might actually be able to say we're good more often, and truthfully without having to fear people thinking we're rude, because we'd have a lot less weighing on our conscience. Or, you know what? Don't ask someone how they are if you don't care enough to listen to the real answer!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I am a hacker, and this is my manifesto

I'm not really a hacker, but I've decided to write a dating creed. These are things that I want, but I haven't always been firm about so I tend to get used or treated badly. Boys are always complaining that girls don't know what they want... Well, I know exactly what I want, I just have trouble getting it so I am typing this to any prospective male I may date. Read as if you are a boy who wants to date me:

I do not hang out with boys I intend to date. If you ask me to hang out, I will assume you want to be put in friend zone and that's where you will stay. If you ask me out via text or Facebook instead of in person or at LEAST over the phone, I consider that hanging out. I also do not make out with boys who have asked me to hang out with them. The whole "We're hanging out, so we might as well make out" mentality does not fly with me. If you want to kiss me, or even hold my hand, or cuddle, you will take me on a date and earn it. That doesn't mean you have to spend loads of money on me. I am a girl who prefers dates with adventure and creativity, something out of the norm that will let me see sides of you that you just don't see sitting next to each other in a movie theater. Put some thought into it. Show me things that YOU like to do. If you really want to win me over, you'll put effort into the things we do together to show that you care and think about me at times other than when we're in the same room.

When you've earned it and we do get to the kissing stage in the relationship (meaning you don't just expect me to kiss you because you've spent money on me and you actually want to kiss me for the right reasons), you will be respectful. That means you will kiss me like you mean it, and not like I'm a piece of meat so I don't sit there thinking, "Whenever you're done," or try to push you away and have you not get the hint. It's pretty obvious when someone is done kissing, so please pay attention and let me breathe every once in awhile.

I do not like taking on the male role in the relationship. I do not like initiating contact, or making all the moves. I'm a girl, I like to feel like a girl. Is it really so much to ask for you to call me and ask me out? Or open my doors for me, or walk me to my car if we're at your house? I think it's common courtesy, and common sense.

Don't just assume things. If I do happen to call you, it doesn't mean I'm obsessed with you in a psycho kind of way. If I express my feelings for you, there is no need to freak out because it doesn't mean I think you're my EC and we're going to get married and have 10 kids together and live happily ever after. I feel that if you like someone and it seems pretty clear that they like you back, and you're dating (duh!) you shouldn't have to play the guessing game, so I'll tell you that I like you. I think you deserve a break from the guessing game, and games in general. It doesn't mean you have to run the other way screaming. If you ask me out on a date I think it's safe to assume that you like me and want to get to know me better, so reciprocating that should not be cause for fear. I don't enjoy the guessing game on either end, so if you like me ask me out on a date. Hoping that I'll figure it out is probably not going to happen. I'm willing to go out with almost anyone once and give them a fair chance, and if I happen to not be interested in you, it doesn't mean that I don't like you as a person and we can't be friends. Sometimes it just isn't there, it doesn't mean you have to get your ego wounded and treat me like you hate my guts. Be a grown up. If you're rude, it's probably not going to help your chances. I am a reasonable person, and easily influenced by the opinions of others. If you like me and I don't like you, for heaven's sake convince me that you're the greatest guy in the world, sweep me off my feet, and fight for me. Insulting me is not a way to accomplish this. That goes for boys who I do like, too. Just some helpful little hints.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

I know Heavenly Father loves me.

I've been pretty overwhelmed this last week. It didn't start off too well with my friend getting in an accident, and then running around with school and everything. I'm not working anymore and I have enough money to get by for the moment, but I still stress about it because I'm just riding on faith that it's going to work out. I haven't been able to unpack my room. That's not a huge deal, but it's hard to concentrate in clutter and while being really unorganized. And a few other little annoyances here and there that have just made life a little difficult to bear. I am really glad that it is Sunday. Sundays always help me regroup. Not all the way every time, but they get me through. I went to the fireside tonight and President Monson spoke. I've been realizing a lot of my fears lately with relationships, money, where my life is going, school, etc. His talk was exactly what I needed to hear today. He talked about living up to our great expectations and outlined the way to do so. Many of my fears just dissolved because now I know what to do and have a crystal clear diagram to accomplish things. I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father's love for me and that He answers my prayers. He knows me personally and He instructs His servants to guide me. For that I am very grateful and I love him right back!!!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Life can change in an instant

I'm in the process of moving, and my sweet new roommate Michelle offered to help me move my stuff. I asked if she would help me on Monday because she has a truck, and loading stuff in my car was proving to be a slow process. We were at our townhome right before we headed to Hurricane and decided that rather than riding together we would take two vehicles and she would follow me to my house so I could put clothes and things like that in my car and not have them exposed. We got in our cars and started on our journey. I think we hit every light on the way. When we finally got to the Hurricane exit I started to notice snow on the sides of the road. I didn't think much of it because the roads looked clear. There were hardly any people on the road, but the person in front of us was going slow, so I went around them and Michelle followed. I had just switched back into the right lane and glanced in my rear view mirror. Michelle was moving into the right lane and then it looked like she was doing a U-turn. I was thinking, "What is she doing?" And I started moving back into the left lane to turn around and follow her. I was still watching in my rear view mirror and saw her get hit and her truck basically looked like it exploded because yellow pieces of plastic and metal flew in every direction. I didn't realize that the roads were icey until I slammed on my breaks in the turn lane so I could flip around faster and my car started skidding. Michelle had hit black ice and slid into oncoming traffic. She was perpendicular to the road when she was simultaneously hit by two vehicles, a green van and a white suburban type of car.

I called 911 and I couldn't even talk. The officer asked me at least three times if I was calling about the accident in Hurricane. It had already been called in because there was a cop right behind the green van. He had stopped and started getting the situation under control while his partner directed traffic. I finally found my words and told the officer that yes I was calling about the accident in Hurricane. He asked me where it was and again I couldn't speak. I was searching for a mile marker or something and my mind was racing because I just wanted to get to Michelle. He asked me several times where the accident was and I finally told him was by the Hurricane welcome sign, it was the only landmark I could find. I don't remember the rest of the conversation, but it was brief.

There was gas spewing from Michelle's truck and the officer who had stopped told me to keep away as I aproached. He wasn't sure if it would ignite and he didn't want me anywhere near. Michelle was awake and crying. She kept saying she was sorry and that she was stuck. I did what I could to try to talk to her, but I couldn't get very close. I told the cop that I wanted to go hold her hand and he said that he would do it because he didn't want me in danger. He sent me to do little projects, like getting fire exstinguishers and trying to get ahold of Michelle's parents, to keep me from getting hysterical. I have a history of accidents in my family. I've been in a few myself, but I've never witnessed an accident involving someone I know before. And I felt responsible because she wouldn't have even been out there if it weren't for me. He was a very smart cop, and very good at his job. I was on the verge of tears, but I never got hysterical which is amazing considering the situation.

Ambulances and other police officers arrived quickly. Michelle had to be cut from her truck because the seatbelt was stuck and the door wouldn't open. They had her out and in an ambulance within about 30 minutes of the accident. The paramedics weren't sure if anything was wrong, but they thought her hip may have been broken. I insisted that I ride with her in the ambulance because I didn't want her to be alone and I didn't know what else to do. I had to know what was going on and if she was okay. If she had been seriously injured or killed I don't know what I would have done. Once we were in the ambulance I was able to talk to her more and I got her mom's phone number from her. I called our Bishop so he could come give her a blessing once we got to the hospital. The whole situation seemed so surreal. We got to the hospital and they made me sit in the ambulance while they got Michelle to a room. I didn't want to be in the way, so I stayed put. I went in the room and was finally able to try to comfort her. She kept apologizing and saying that she was sorry she couldn't help me move and she kept thanking me for being there with her. She is amazing.

The officer who had stopped first came into the room. He had personally gathered all of Michelle's things from the accident sight and brought them to her at the hospital. He was a godsend. He came in and held Michelle's hand again and was so sweet. His name is Kim Seegmiller and he's one of the most amazing men I've ever met. It was a terrible situation, but it would have been much worse if he hadn't been there to take care of things the way he did. The Bishop and his wife arrived right as Officer Seegmiller was leaving. They took Michelle for x-rays and a cat scan, so we all went out in the lobby to wait. Our other roommates, Sarah and Candice came to wait with us too, and a few of Michelle's extended family members were there. Her parents live a few hours away so they didn't get there for awhile. Luckily, she had no broken bones, no concussion, just some bruising and scrapes. She was in a lot of pain, but nothing too serious so they released her that night. I am so grateful that she's okay and for how incredible she is. I'm not at all happy that she got in an accident, but there were a lot of little miracle surrounding it that I'm grateful for. Her truck is completely totalled, but she was hit on the front end and on the bed and the cab was untouched. And I should have been with her. I didn't even realize that until she said she was glad that I wasn't. I still haven't figured out which way the white car was driving because of where it hit her, but the fact that both cars hit her simultaneously is almost a miracle too because it kept her from ricocheting into other cars. And it was right after 5:00 p.m. There should have been WAY more cars around at the time of the accident, but traffic was really light. The fact that Officer Seegmiller was right behind the van was probably the biggest miracle because of how much he helped everyone. A lot of people offered their help, too. Bishop called me after he had left to thank me for calling him and letting him know what happened and he offered to help me finish moving. A lot of people from the ward offered to help me move, but I was afraid to let them. They were so kind to both Michelle and me.

All the roommates went over to Michelle's aunt's house to visit with her and her parents. She introduced me to her family as the girl who saved her. What an amazing person. I'm really excited to be able to live with her, and Sarah and Candice are equally amazing. I've got all my stuff moved, and I have a lot of unpacking to do now. I miss my sister and her family already, but I'm excited for this new chapter in my life. I couldn't ask for better roommates.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

I love Sundays with all my heart!

I feel like I haven't been to church in ages. Last week I was still home for Christmas and I slept through my alarm for 9 am church in my home ward. The week before was a combined musical Sacrament meeting with four other wards from my stake, Sunday school was about 20 minutes long, and Relief Society was another musical meeting. I love music, it is powerful, but I feel like I haven't been Spiritually fed by the good word of God for about a month, at church anyway. Church today was amazing. I caught up with some friends, made new ones, received the Spiritual uplifting that I've been longing for, and I got a new calling. I'm the Institute rep for my ward and I couldn't be more excited about it!

My little brother blessed that Sacrament today for the first time. He was set apart as a Priest on Monday so today he and my older brother blessed the Sacrament together. I wish I could have been there to see it. I was at least able to be present for his setting apart. I was supposed to go home to St. George Monday afternoon and go back to work, but I called in and was able to find people to work for me so I could stay an extra day. I'm so proud of him!

The new semester starts tomorrow, and I'm really glad that I had a Sunday to prepare. I'm really nervous for some reason. This semester shouldn't be any harder than the last. In fact, it should be easier because I'm taking classes that I want to take and I don't have to wake my brain up from a four year slumber again. But I'm nervous nonetheless. I think I need to do some schedule rearranging because a three hour class from 8-11 pm just doesn't sound appealing to me, and it's going to hinder several other things... It's also hard to decide which classes to take when you're contemplating a transfer to a different school. What's the point in taking pre-recs if they won't apply at another school? But there is also a problem if I decide to stay and haven't taken them. What to do...? I'll figure it out.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

New Year's in Vegas: Good... Beer rain: Bad

For New Year's Eve this year I went to Vegas with a bunch of friends. We loaded nine people into a seven passenger van, got cozy, and headed off to the city of sin. We arrived at about 9 pm and embarked on our horrendously long journey from the Riviera to the Bellagio to see the fountains. I was wearing heels... I've never really been to Vegas except for just passing through and I had NO idea how long the Strip was. Needless to say, by the end of the night I did not need alcohol to give the appearance that I was inebriated... I could hardly walk because my feet hurt so badly and I'm sure that people thought I was drunk. I was drunk by association because there was so much alcohol around. When midnight came, people were crushed together in a massive crowd and beer was raining down. As people began to leave there was a surge of pushing and no one was going anywhere. When one person finally broke through, the entire crowd shifted in a spiral fashion. I thought it was hilarious, though my friends didn't find it so amusing. It was a fun-filled, sober night for a bunch of small city Mormons a little overwhelmed by the eye popping scenery of Las Vegas. It was a fun experience, but one I would not like to ever re-enact. In case you were wondering, we were only witness to the chaos, we did not participate. We got back just before the sun came up, and I didn't wake up until just before it set today.

Now for my New Year's Resolutions. I have many, but I'll only share a few. Especially since my brain has not quite recovered yet and I can't remember most of them at the moment. But here they are:

-Get caught up on my journal and also write each day.
-Continue in my attempt to overcome fears.
-Visit home more often, hopefully about once a month if the gas prices stay low.
-Go to every class this semester (unless sick, or out of town), and be on time
-Have an adventure at least once a month (road trip, vacation, new experience, etc.)