Speak Now, or maybe don't

I bought the Taylor Swift CD last night and I was listening to it today. The CD is called "Speak Now" and she has a song by the same title. I really like Taylor Swift, not because she's an amazing singer by any means, but because her songs are so personal. These are the lyrics to that song; I find them quite interesting as I've felt inclined to do this a couple times in the past:

I am not the kind of girl
Who should be rudely barging in
On a white veil occasion
But you are not the kind of boy
Who should be marrying the wrong girl

I sneak in and see your friends
And her snotty little family
All dressed in pastel

And she is yelling at a bridesmaid
Somewhere back inside a room
Wearing a gown shaped like a pastry

This is surely not
What you thought it would be
I lose myself in a daydream
Where I stand and say:

Don't say yes, run away now
I'll meet you when you're out
Of the church at the back door

Don't wait or say a single vow
You need to hear me out
And they said "speak now"

Fun gestures are exchanged
And the organ starts to play
A song that sounds like a death march

And I am hiding in the curtains
It seems I was uninvited
By your lovely bride-to-be

She floats down the aisle
Like a pageant queen
But I know you wish it was me
You wish it was me, don't you?

Don't say yes, run away now
I'll meet you when you're out
Of the church at the back door

Don't wait or say a single vow
You need to hear me out
And they said "speak now"

Don't say yes, run away now
I'll meet you when you're out
Of the church at the back door

Don't wait or say a single vow
Your time is running out
And they said, "speak now"

I hear the preacher say
"Speak now or forever hold your peace"
There's the silence, there's my last chance
I stand up with shaking hands, all eyes on me

Horrified looks from
Everyone in the room
But I'm only looking at you

I am not the kind of girl
Who should be rudely barging in
On a white veil occasion
But you are not the kind of boy
Who should be marrying the wrong girl

So don't say yes, run away now
I'll meet you when you're out
Of the church at the back door

Don't wait or say a single vow
You need to hear me out
And they said, "speak now"

And you say
Let's run away now
I'll meet you when
I'm out of my tux at the back door

Baby, I didn't say my vows
So glad you were around when they said
"Speak now"

Like I said, this kind of hits home for me. I never actually went to the weddings or receptions because I didn't think I could handle watching them marry who I thought was the wrong girl for them, the kinds of girls who really do yell at their bridesmaids and make the man they are supposed to love feel like garbage and literally suck the life right out of them. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut and who am I tell them I thought they were living their lives wrong? And honestly, if they couldn't see it for themselves then I wasn't going to be able to change their minds, so I didn't go. I had no business being there anyway. But, unlike the person in this song, I wasn't uninvited to the weddings, I was invited six times. You heard me right, SIX. Ridiculous right? I burned the invitations in my driveway. We don't play the wedding march at LDS weddings, but I can imagine if they did and I had gone to those weddings, that it would have certainly sounded like the death march to me.

All of this seems really sad because I've felt every word of this song at one point, but one day I finally realized that I wouldn't want to be married to those boys. Why would I want to be married to someone who isn't aware of how other people make them feel? Why would I want to be married to someone who doesn't value their own happiness? Why would I want to be married to someone who doesn't have the guts to stand up for themselves? They were boys, and I am looking for a man. It took me awhile, but I'm grateful that I didn't give my life and heart to someone who wasn't deserving of it. Though I wouldn't wish those experiences on anyone and I certainly don't want to go through it again, I've loved and lived and learned and I am better for it.